good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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