What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
