There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
