Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
