Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
