I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
