we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
