I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
