no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
