I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
