Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Randomize
