You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
