Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
now i know why i became what i already was.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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