You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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