I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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