I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
