I think I died a long time ago.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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