I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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