and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My pussy is not your playground.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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