well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
