It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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