are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
