So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
