Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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