We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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