Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
