the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Those nachos came to me in a dream
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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