Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
