When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
