He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Im part way to drunk.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
