i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
