he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
