i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
