All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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