Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
