Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Randomize
