Your dad touched me again.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
