if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
