were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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