I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
