Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
