Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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