LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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