last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
