The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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