she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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