I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
