so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
