i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
