Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
